Years ago, back in the 1770’s, a man by the name of John Newton wrote these words...
“Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved.”
Ahhh! It sounds so poetic... but that word “fear”. It’s not right. Actually, it doesn’t seem to fit at all. Shouldn’t it be “‘Twas grace that taught my heart to hope”, or “‘Twas grace that taught my heart to love”? It doesn’t make sense.
Set within the song “Amazing Grace”, these words for many many years puzzled me as to their meaning, and though I had sung them many times, I was always baffled by them.
What does it mean, “Twas grace that taught my heart to fear”? It wasn’t until about
six months ago, after having read John Newton’s biography, that suddenly it clicked. For the first time, I could set the words within the context of the life of the person who wrote them, and with that came a fresh understanding.
I wont talk too much about the specifics, as John Newton’s life has been well documented and has been told over and over. Most people know him as the man who went from being a slave trader to becoming a leading and compelling witness against the practice, and who, along with his friend William Wilberforce championed a campaign that would eventually see the abolition of slavery in England.
For me, what struck me most within the story was Newton’s dramatic conversion and the strengths of his convictions after it. Although he was brought up and educated by his devout and loving christian mother, and obviously gifted with incredible intellect, his attitude towards the Christian faith vacillated on-and-off from short bouts of strong devotion to lengths of apathy and outright rebellion and moral abandon. Eventually, as time moved on, he wandered completely away from the faith and was numb to anything towards it all. For years, he just lived his life as he wanted to, with no sense of anything but his own life and desires.
Then, during one sea voyage, to pass the time, Newton flicked through a few pages of that age-old book by Thomas A Kempis, “The Imitation of Christ”. Whilst reading it, he thought it all just romantic nonsense, but later on, as he documents, a question crossed his mind... “What if this is actually all true?”. Soon after these musings, the ship he was sailing on was hit hard by a massive and terrifying storm. Many times he thought he was going to die and the situation caused him to return to his faith as in desperation, he prayed and called upon the Lord. During the tempest he lost all hope and he fully believed his life on earth was soon to come to an abrupt end. But no... somehow he made it through... and he attributed his survival, (and the survival of the other men on board) to be nothing short of a miracle, ordered by the Divine.
After the storm, Newton was a different man. The event punched a revelation to the core of his soul. A divine work had been wrought within. He had been taught the “fear of the Lord”, as he now had a deep and thorough respect for God. And though he learned it the hard way, through an encounter that caused him “horror” or “terror”, as one might likely have in a storm, it soon became tempered to become a healthy fear which the “Good Book” says leads to wisdom. God was someone, beyond someone to be reckoned with. God was GOD. Final. All powerful. ALL POWERFUL. Who was John Newton to spurn or turn away or mock with indifference the person of God? Who was he to reduce him to some theology or to brush God aside with reason or pride or whatever. Who was he? And yet God still listened to his prayer.
In the face of this new Pandemic sweeping across the world, I am reminded of John Newton and his song “Amazing Grace”. Nature, is in God’s hands, and there is nothing that will threaten His reign or reduce His power over it. As Jeremiah says in the 18th chapter, God is like a potter who can do anything he wants with the clay he is working. Did COVID-19 come from God? Did the storm that nearly destroyed John Newton on the high seas come from God? The church doesn’t often say that God is the creator of any catastrophe, as it wants people to see His Love, but let’s not forget that ALL creation reveals the glory of God. And it’s not just the sunsets and the serene landscapes. What about the maggots that infest the rotting carcasses, the flies and the cockroaches,, and the moths that get caught in spiders webs. The horrors within creation are too numerous and terrible to recount. Yes, creation groaning under the burden of sin, waiting to be renewed, consisting of the flower and the thorn are all under Gods almighty command. And even though I may not like this or that, and may question this or that, who am I, as mere man, to question His power. God is God, and it is He who calls the shots. He will be the Judge at the end of creation, and though I am lost in the quagmire of my limited reason, caught in the folly of my selfishness and desires, He gracefully keeps his ears attentive to my prayer. For that reason alone, I should be so thankful. For John Newton, the revelation of God’s grace went deep as he connected what happened with him on the ocean, directly to God and Christ. And in that he saw a merciful saviour. The depths of God’s love and longing for him became clear and tangible. He could actually trust that God would take care of him, no matter how bad the storm. His eternal hope had been won.; he saw it seared and scarred in the hands that held and drew him to himself. God’s power could have obliterated him in righteous judgment, but grace allowed him to learn first to fear, then grace, revealing Gods love for him, taught him to trust.
As the COVID -19 virus hits its vicious waves over us, let’s not forget the wonderful truth that John Newton discovered, and sing with him in sounds that echo his joy and wonder. “It is grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved”.
(Side note for those who know the writer of this blog.... John Newton was in love with a girl name Polly.)
